The Day I Realized Suicide was Taboo for the Workplace
Posted on Oct. 10, 2022 / Diversity & Inclusion / Subscribe 0
By: Kate Smith, Associate Communications Manager at Raymond James and Member of PRSA’s Tampa Bay D&I Committee
TRIGGER WARNING: This article, and pages it links to, contains information about suicide which may be upsetting to some people. See resources below.
Twelve years ago I received the phone call in the middle of the night that no one wants to receive. My mom was in the ICU and she wasn’t going to make it until the morning. My family was gathering at the hospital as I was booking a flight to make it back to where I call home, all before she passed away.
I didn’t even have to ask questions about what happened. I knew it wasn’t a heart attack, car accident, or other ‘traditional’ illness. I knew before anyone told me… my mom was going to pass away by suicide.
What happened over the course of several hours should feel like a blur, but I remember it all very distinctly. I packed my suitcase and headed to the airport at 4 a.m. to catch the first flight out. Just before leaving, I called my supervisor and told her I was flying home because my mom was going to pass away and that I was flying out of town. She didn’t ask many questions, but she did say, “Was she sick?” Which was a valid question, considering my mom was just 51. All I said was, “Yes.”
Returning to Work
Who knows what the appropriate amount of time is for returning to work after a profound loss? In my experience, returning to work feels traumatic no matter how much time you have off. Because at some point life has to go on, even though your loved one’s life did not.
I’ll never forget my first day back. My coworkers, supervisors and managers were all very kind. Lots of cards, condolences and ‘how-are-you-doings.’ But one supervisor in particular, who had experience profound loss in her life, asked to speak with me on a break. We chatted for a few minutes and she asked me blatantly—“what happened, how did your mom die?” It was the first time I ever said it out loud at work and as soon as the word suicide left my mouth, her face was frozen in shock. She only replied, “Oh.” And our conversation ended there.
A few other coworkers, here and there, asked what happened. And person-by-person, it felt like I was repeating the same conversation. As soon as I would explain that my mom died by suicide, everyone shut down. No one asked additional questions, no one inquired further about me, my family, or my mom’s life.
It was so strange. When someone loses a loved one from what society deems as a ‘physical ailment,’ there’s usually more open conversation and understanding. However, mental illness is not always seen as a physical ailment despite the fact your brain is an organ.
That was 12 years ago. Her life and story still matter. In my experience, it felt as though everyone at work wanted to know what happened… just not if it involved the word suicide.
Mental Health at Work
We’ve come a long way as a society, opening up and talking more about mental health. But we still have a long way to go. I encourage you to check in on your co-workers. As they say, a third of your life is spent at work. And, you truly never know what someone is going through or what their story is.
Striving to be inclusive at work and displaying a culture of belonging means it’s a place of no shame or stigmatization. Diversity & Inclusion involves many aspects and characteristics of an individual, including mental health.
It’s ok to need help. Be sure to research your employer’s specific mental health benefits. Most offer Employer Assistance Programs (EAP), which provide a certain number of counseling sessions free of change. Hot tip: Most EAP providers will give you additional free counseling sessions if you call and ask for them to extend your benefit.
I’d encourage you to learn what your employer offers, even if you don’t plan to use the benefit for yourself. You never know when someone may need help, and you’ll want to be ready.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month. Suicide is preventable, and we all play a role in saving lives. By starting the conversation, providing support, and directing help to those who need it, we can prevent suicides and save lives. (“Hope Can Happen,” n.d. 988lifeline.org).
If you or someone you know is in Crisis, Help is Available
If you or someone you know is in crisis, there are options available to help you cope. You can call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at any time to connect with a trained crisis counselor. For confidential support available 24/7 for everyone in the U.S., call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org, or visit here: https://go.usa.gov/xyxGa.
Free mental health resources and support groups are also available through our local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) chapters, including a NAMI Surviving Suicide Loss Support Group:
NAMI Hillsborough at https://namihillsborough.org/
NAMI Pasco https://namipasco.org/
NAMI Pinellas at https://nami-pinellas.org/
NAMI Polk at https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI/Affiliate/Program-Details-(1)?state=FL&local=0011Q000022GB8YQAW
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